I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
