dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
