Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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