3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
