WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
