I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
