Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
