I cannot find my penis.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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