Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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