I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
