Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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