You made me cry and you don't even care
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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