Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
