That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
