You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
