Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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