So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
