Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Still dying that you shit outside
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
