Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
