He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
there is glitter all over my balls
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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