I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
