she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
