He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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