so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
