Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
