He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
