remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
