I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
