I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
