We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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