Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
