What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
