Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
