I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
