there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
