Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
