Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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