Apparently you make a good broom.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
