i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
