Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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