Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
