Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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