Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
