fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You're earring is so big in my mouth
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
