I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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