Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
