so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
