am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
