why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
