the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
