she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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